Always stuck between what I think I want, what I think I should want… what feels good on the inside and what looks good on the outside. Sometimes classy men in expensive suits ask me out out.. I can see in their eyes how good they would treat me and how genuine they are… but all warm thoughts are overshadowed by silly facts like that they didn’t bother to tailor their suit to fit them in a flattering way or bother with anything original.. and I can guess their poor taste in music by the way they cut their hair. i entertain the thought of being the one to help them tie their tie in the morning and loosening it up when they get home.. but also see them as part of the rat race and as bland as the cubicle they willingly shackled themselves to. I think I could fit into that life… but it would be like playing a part and though I could lose myself in the role.. it would still be an act.
To be honest and try and analyze myself.. I think I get pleasure from being the weakness of powerful men… I currently want to seduce the owner of my place of employment. Not necessarily sleep wit him… but I want to explore the possibilities. He is pretentious and walks with his chest feathers fluffed out… but he has sparks of playful words and sideways glances…. I don’t know what it is about men in power… I suppose in a world where women are most often at the losing end of the power struggle… I don’t want to just get men by their balls.. I want them to willingly hand them to me on a silver platter. Sometimes. just sometimes. sheeez don’t make that face.
