Sexploits

Always stuck between what I think I want, what I think I should want… what feels good on the inside and what looks good on the outside. Sometimes classy men in expensive suits ask me out out.. I can see in their eyes how good they would treat me and how genuine they are… but all warm thoughts are overshadowed by silly facts like that they didn’t bother to tailor their suit to fit them in a flattering way or bother with anything original.. and I can guess their poor taste in music by the way they cut their hair. i entertain the thought of being the one to help them tie their tie in the morning and loosening it up when they get home.. but also see them as part of the rat race and as bland as the cubicle they willingly shackled themselves to. I think I could fit into that life… but it would be like playing a part and though I could lose myself in the role.. it would still be an act.

To be honest and try and analyze myself.. I think I get pleasure from being the weakness of powerful men… I currently want to seduce the owner of my place of employment. Not necessarily sleep wit him… but I want to explore the possibilities. He is pretentious and walks with his chest feathers fluffed out… but he has sparks of playful words and sideways glances…. I don’t know what it is about men in power… I suppose in a world where women are most often at the losing end of the power struggle… I don’t want to just get men by their balls.. I want them to willingly hand them to me on a silver platter. Sometimes. just sometimes. sheeez don’t make that face.

i don’t know if it’s desperation at this point or if i just plain keep forgetting how old i am.. it just happens that i keep flirting with young’uns.. i have a couple drinks and i get lost in pretending i’m optimistic and nieve.. this little skinny boy all in black with his hair in his face was giving me puppy dog eyes and asked if i would be getting a break. i went to find him and he was just so sweet… he asked if there was somewhere quiet where we could talk- and took my hand and we ran giggling up the steps and around the corner. he called me a superhero. he didnt have his phone on him so i actually slipped him my number later… that may have been a first. i’ve let myself get sucked into the adult world of bitter jaded men who have been around every block too many times… maybe i just want to for once be the one who is doing the corrupting & taking away of innocence. .. kidding.. but mean, i can’t help getting lost in the reflection from the wee ones’ bright soft eyes… ..
it all started with this little dj/model, (and of course musician) who had the confidence to kiss me in public out of nowhere last year… he is a cocky little fucker but i had fun whenever i ran into him. .. then there have been other actual teenagers who offer themselves out challenging me to let them prove themselves. when did life become like this.. i don’t quite know what to make of it all. i mean i don’t have a daddy complex.. there is no reason why i should limit myself to old men (besides the obvious reasons).. but can i really hang out with a boy whose mother will be worried if she wakes up and realizes he hasnt come home. there has to be some happy medium out there.